Happy Wednesday everyone!! I hope you’re all well. I’m going to start off every one of my glow up diaries with:
How are you guys? How is school/work? How’s your mental health?
Okay, let’s get into it!!
My mental health used to be really bad. I have really bad anxiety, and to this day I still struggle with it. A few years ago I would never have imagined I could ever be happy with myself ever again, but I am happy with who I am and I’ve learnt to love myself.
My family situation was really tough, it took a huge toll on my mental health and my grades were dropping because I couldn’t focus. I used music as an escape and I became obsessed with it. Playing the piano was the only way I could escape reality, I would just play my feelings. I was constantly tired, my brain was constantly overthinking everything and I was so tired. So tired from the thoughts that were running through my head at 100mph. It was draining. I slept every chance I got and I would go out every opportunity I got. I knew I needed to study, I wanted to study because my grades is the only thing that really mattered to me. I really thought it would solve my problems, but whenever I sat down to study, my mind would be filled with thoughts that was really damaging, I really thought it was better that I was dead so I could end all the pain. But it was really selfish of me, because what about all the other people who cared about me? What would happen to them? I couldn’t just leave them like that, I couldn’t bear myself to. I had really good friends like Sairah who helped me through it. I never used to take care of myself either. I was always dehydrated, I would never eat a lot because I end up feeling sick because of my anxiety. My body subconsciously contracts my stomach when my anxiety kicks in and after a few hours I’d have a really bad stomach ache, just like how you get muscle cramps after exercising, but I would constantly feel like I need to vomit.
I realised I needed to change. I hated the person I was, and I wanted to change my mindset and change the way that I was living. It started with small changes:
- Drink 2 litres of water every day
- Do whatever made me happy
- Start writing in a diary about my day, both good and bad
- Let things go, I had to let the past go. I live in the present, and although it was so hard because it kept coming back, I managed to block it out most days, but I didn’t have much luck on bad days.
- Spend time with my friends. They make me so happy, I was so lucky to have them. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I ever lose them, and I hope I never will. We got each other through the darkest times. I was a person who was good at giving advice, but I could never follow them myself.
Hope you all enjoyed the first one of my glow-up series. I hope this has helped some of you!!
Lots of Love